1 month ago
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6. "He said he and his wife were open. I hooked up with him; I left the tiniest mark on his neck from nipping him a little. It was very tiny — I didn't hickey him or anything wild — honestly, I probably wouldn't have even noticed it if he hadn't. It just looked like a tiny discoloration. He freaked OUT about it, saying his wife would be in town soon. I was like, 'I thought you said this was an open relationship?' 'It's open because she doesn't know!'"
"I left almost immediately after that. Then she came to visit shortly after; we hung out together in our larger mutual friend group. I was going to tell her, but she launched into a story about her multiple miscarriages with him. I felt like it would be shittier for her to find out her husband was cheating far from home, in the middle of a friend group she didn't know, that I would later find out almost the entirety of knew about and covered for his cheating. I pretty quickly distanced myself from everyone after that."
7. "I have been the other guy a few times. The first time, it was because I was wild about this girl since middle school — I mean, infatuated. Well, one day we were just chatting, and she complained about how her current bf wasn't really giving her what she was looking for sexually. I jokingly offered to help, and to my surprise, she took me up on that offer. I was blown away, and I didn't care, and we moved forward with the plan. FYI, we were in high school, so also young and dumb. I took her virginity, and, what's worse, we convinced her bf to drive us to my house under the guise of a 'school project.' I used to be a piece of shit. Eventually, I grew up and stopped being an asshole. Thank god."
10. "I met this chick at a bar, and we hit it off fast. We started talking, went on a few dates, and it was honestly a lot of fun. There were some weird things, though. I was never really at her place — we'd always end up at mine, in the car, or somewhere else. A few red flags were there, but I ignored them because the chemistry and sex were really good. Then she asked to switch to Snapchat, saying her kid used her phone. I agreed, not thinking much of it. What she didn't realize was that I could see her location. One day, I decided to surprise her. I showed up at her place with flowers, knocked, and a guy answered. I looked past him and saw her. She looked at me and mouthed, 'Leave.'"
"I assumed she was cheating, so I just walked away. That's when it hit me. The next day, she called and explained. She was married — the guy was her husband. She said they stayed together for their kid, didn't have sex anymore, and had issues. I should've blocked her then, but she said she still wanted to see me, and I agreed. So we kept seeing each other in secret. It was exciting at first, but eventually I pushed for the truth. She admitted she was fully married and still loved her husband. When I made her choose, she chose him. That's when I realized I was just the escape for her — the fun part, not the real life. I knew there were red flags from the start; I just ignored them because I was having too much fun. And in the end, it wasn't worth it."
11. "The first time we kissed at a bar, I didn’t know he was in a relationship. I swore it would never happen again, but we became friends, and down the line, I couldn't ignore the fact that I had feelings for him. We've hooked up now and then for the last couple of years, and he and his girlfriend are still together. I was in love with him and some part of me probably always will be, but he didn't choose me and ultimately wants his cake and to eat it, too. I know I should completely cut him off, and I have tried many times, but somehow he always comes back into my life. I think I'm ultimately stuck because I don’t think I will ever get any romantic connection better than him. I fully accept it's trash behavior on my part and am not proud of it, but it is what it has been."
14. "The guy told me his relationship sucked and was on the rocks, and they were gonna break up soon, but he hadn't done it because she was 'unstable' and would threaten to kill herself...until one day, I got a call from said 'unstable' girlfriend, and she sounded completely normal and rational. She told me I wasn't the first girl he'd done this to — that last year, he did exactly the same thing and cheated on her, telling that girl the exact same things he told me. Then she told me I could have him if I wanted him. The guy called me later and told me that if I wanted him to pick me, I had to prove my worth to him, lol. I was like, hell no. Bye. I learned SO much from that one mistake. Luckily, I was only 18 and figured out the sort of lies people tell when they try to cheat on their S.O.s."
15. "I was young and a bit smitten, but I held back because I heard she was married. She told me after lots of drinks and flirting that she and her husband had an 'understanding,' and that we couldn't have sex, but we could do anything else. He worked out of town, and this was at a housewarming party that went for, like, three days straight. She stopped coming around that friend group shortly after, and a few years later, I asked my buddy and his girlfriend (whose party it was) why she'd stopped. They told me that they would fight a lot when she hung out with all of us, and it was putting a strain on her marriage because he was very jealous. I said I thought it was weird because I didn't think people with an open marriage would have jealousy issues. They looked at me like I had two heads and said, 'What? They don't have an open marriage.'"
"I was, like, 23; I think she was 31. It was just one night, but I feel bad looking back."
19. "We were coworkers, and he came over and started talking to me. He would ask to drive me home. It was only a nine-minute drive — an hour by bus — so it made my life a lot easier. Sometimes he would stare into the void and clench my hand, holding back tears as he spoke very softly. As he opened up, I asked him why he wouldn't just talk to his partner. He said she always went off and resorted to insults, which made him shut down. He told me no one at home listened and just spoke over him. It was just chores and orders."
"He wanted to see my apartment at one point. He would just stare out my window and tell me he longed for the peace I had, for the lifestyle I lived — simple, quiet, happy. Sometimes we hooked up; other times he just talked and talked. I would go to answer, and he would start talking again. He apologized and said he just had so much to say, now that someone was finally listening. Or he would just give me a hug and not let go for a bit. Well, he did leave her after months, and we've been married for some years now. Recently, he told me he's the happiest he's ever been."
20. "She put together an elaborate ruse to make it happen. This happened in college. Very regrettably, she was my good friend's girlfriend. They were on the outs because it was the world's worst-kept secret that, despite being with her, he was really head over heels for a girl he'd been in love with since high school. I got a text from her one night (a bit unusual) saying 'they' were out at the bar and wanted me to come join them. I wasn't doing anything, so why the hell not? I got dressed, headed to the bar, and pretty quickly found them. Only, much to my surprise, my friend wasn't with them. 'Where's Chris?' I asked. She informed me that he wasn't able to make it — it was just her and some girlfriends. (Spidey sense tingling.) That's okay, I figured. I'm already here, so I'll have a few drinks with them and head home."
"Coincidentally, her friends had something come up and needed to take off — meeting someone else or some such excuse. She 'felt bad' that she'd invited me out only to ditch me, so she told them to go ahead and she'd meet up with them later. (Tingling intensifies.) So we had some drinks and chatted. We were friends, and that's a thing friends do. After an hour or two, I was ready to hang it up. We'd both had several, and it was getting late. Alas, she 'couldn't get a hold' of her friends. Adding to her misfortune, they were her ride downtown! This is before Uber/Lyft, and the taxi situation sucked, so she asked if I'd give her a ride home. (Spidey senses on fire.) It wasn't terribly far out of my way, and I couldn't leave my friend's girlfriend alone at a bar downtown at midnight, so despite my mild impairment, I obliged. (I know — I was young and dumb. I'm sorry.)
We pulled up out front, and I gave the, 'Welp, there you go! You're welcome!' And she, I shit you not, responded with, 'I'm not sure you should be driving anymore with how much you've had to drink. Just come in for a few. We'll watch a show, then you can head out.' (Spidey punching me in the face.) I objected for a bit, but finally relented. We went inside, and there was (shockingly) nobody home. She did turn on the TV, then headed into her room 'to change.' I sat on the couch, knowing full well what I was doing while trying to convince myself I wasn't. After a few minutes, she yelled, 'What are you doing?!' to which I responded, 'Sitting on the couch — I thought we were watching something!' That was clearly not the right answer, because she yelled, 'Get in here! It's not like I'm gonna molest you!' (Spidey, help!) I walked in to find that she'd only gotten halfway through the 'changing' process and had to lie down. I sat. She put her hand on me. It's game over. (Sorry, Spidey.)"
28. "I found out as she was leading me to her bedroom. It was 3 a.m.; she and my friends were scattered throughout the house in various states of inebriation. I myself was in a state of drunken arousal. We'd just met an hour before at the club. We were walking down the short hallway to her bedroom, and I saw framed pictures of her with a guy. 'Who's that?' 'Oh, that's my boyfriend.' I felt a brief pang of guilt as we crossed the threshold from hallway to bedroom."
"Her one rule was that I could not penetrate her myself — that, I suppose, was her way of justifying the infidelity. So I used toys on her, and she used her hands and mouth on me. It should also be noted that it was the one time I needed to piss so bad that I opened her window and began pissing outside, only to realize I was pissing directly into the window screen. TL;DR: I was drunk."
31. "I had a friend who had a weird relationship with a coworker who was in a relationship. He spanked her, and then she'd jerk him off. That's all they ever did, and it lasted for a few months. She knew she was an affair partner of sorts the whole time. She went to their wedding a couple of years after. As someone who has been cheated on, I really struggled with someone I truly believed was a good person doing something like this, so, with her blessing, I interrogated her about it one time, to try to understand. It ultimately boiled down to, in my words, selfishness. He was providing her with something she needed. She saw it as purely transactional."
"She once said, in defense of herself, 'But I didn't blow him. I really wanted to blow him.' When I asked why she went to their wedding, she just said it felt wrong to refuse. Mind you, she skipped my wedding because she didn't want to request time off work. We're no longer friends, but I still think about that a lot. She was, in so many ways, a saint — truly a good person who went out of her way to help others. She volunteered constantly and tried to see the best in people. But then she was a willing affair partner and never bothered to tell the woman. People are complicated, but she taught me we're all selfish: If we need or want something and the opportunity presents itself, we'll take it. I have no doubt in my mind she'd be an affair partner again."
32. "I was with this gal, and it was toxic as all hell. We were together; she cheated on me; we broke up. She got together with the guy she'd cheated with, and she and I continued having sex. I legit don't know how he could not have known, so for all I know, we were basically a non-monogamous throuple. Honestly, I probably should have felt bad about it, but at the time, my thought was that he was the guy she cheated with first, and a little of it was probably revenge."
"Eventually, she started acting as if we actually were a couple and wanted me to casually ignore the fact that she was living with the guy (despite spending three or more nights per week at my place). After we had an argument on the phone one day, I sort of looked up and was like, 'What am I doing? I can do better than this.' I met my wife two weeks later. It's a damn miracle I got out of the situation without a kid or STI."
33. "I was 17 and desperate. I had just lost some weight, and he was the first one to notice and show interest in me. I hadn't even had my first kiss yet. I was sick of my friends making fun of me and calling me a prude, so I just went with it and hooked up with him a few times, just so I could finally say I had some experience. I never would have done that if I hadn't had such terribly low self-esteem. I never had sex with him, but I still hate myself for it. He wasn't even good-looking, and he obviously wasn't a nice guy either. I couldn't even make eye contact with him half the time. He was 21, and I think he regularly went after young girls. I remember the first time I hung out with him, he told me he was a 'sex addict,' and he was very proud of it."
"He was a super disgusting person, and I let him treat me like dog shit because I thought it was better than no one, and my 'friends' were finally nicer to me. Oh, how I wish I could go back and have a complete do-over. I know I only have myself to blame, but I think if I didn't have such male-centered and shallow role models, my life choices would have been so much better."
34. "I did something like this when I was in high school, and it was mostly just sad pick-me behavior. I never dated anyone in high school (until I met him), and I was very shy, so dating was hard and nonexistent for me. I was sad my friends were having these experiences, and I wasn't. A guy paid attention to me at a party, and I was desperate for validation and affection. We started hooking up, and he broke up with his girlfriend to be with me."
"We dated from 17 until 21. You can guess how that relationship went. He was physically, sexually, mentally, and verbally abusive. He lied to me and cheated on me constantly.
He ended up giving me HPV, and I got precancerous cells from that and had to get my cervix burned this summer to stop it from getting worse. I still have to worry about getting cancer from this, and I’m terrified for my future fertility.
It’s never, EVER worth it to be that desperate for love. I was just happy someone paid attention to me and cared more about how I felt than how the other girls felt.
The lesson was definitely learned because I never did anything like that ever again, and I try to talk about my story if I can, because I think a lot of young people feel the same way I did at the time."
37. "Their marriage was already starting to fall apart, and they got a separation and eventually divorced. According to her, he was verbally abusive, a heavy drinker, and was simply neglecting their marriage. At the time, I was old enough to know better but dumb enough not to. Several months after we stopped seeing each other, she called me out of the blue, saying she was pregnant. She let it slip that she was seeing someone else at the same time she was seeing me, while going through her separation. I simply said, 'Paternity test. If it's mine, I'll do my part. If not, don't ever call me again.' No test was done. I never heard from her again. I found out later, through a former coworker of ours, that she did get divorced, got remarried, and had a second child. I almost feel happy for her."
39. "The first time, I was very young — like, not even out of high school. And she was married and had kids. I was friends with her son. She was hot and older and really into it. Her husband was way older than her (he was also my barber). I just really wanted to. Over and over. For years."
"The second time, it was with someone my own age. I'd known her since kindergarten. We had grown up together and were friendly but never really close — we hung out in different crowds, and she was unattainable for most guys in our cohort. But I'd always dreamed she'd want to be with me someday. Then that day came. I knew she was married, but she was clearly unhappy and needed someone to listen and empathize — and also to have the living daylights fucked out of her, apparently. So I figured that should be me. It lasted about a year. She had a kid suspiciously close to nine months after we were last together, but she swears it wasn't mine. The jury is still out. I never see her anymore."
41. "She was an amateur model that I was photographing in my studio. Her extremely jealous boyfriend called her multiple times and made an ass out of himself. He was crying, saying she was sleeping with me, crying, etc. Unhinged behavior, because we truly weren't doing anything other than photography. After, like, the eighth call, she got pissed off and said, 'Fine! I'll fuck him if that's what you want, fucking asshole!' She then hung up and was like, 'You wanna?' She was extremely hot and already naked. I couldn't resist. While I fucked her, she ignored another 10–15 calls from him, then after she called him up and dumped him."
44. "She wanted to cheat; she instigated it. We were both just passing through town, and I had no connection to the guy getting cheated on. Ironically, her being 'in a relationship' was why I was so relaxed chatting with her at the bar. She even goaded me into picking up other girls. When she wanted me to take her back to her hotel, I was very surprised. Her boyfriend video-called her while we were back in the hotel, and I hid in the shower while she turned her camera around the room."
"The poor guy had to know something was up. If I believed in karma, I suppose I'll have it waiting for me. I do think it makes me a bad person, in the sense that the world might be a little better place if third parties had more reverence for the sanctity of other relationships, but I just felt like she was going to cheat one way or another. But maybe I'm just rationalizing my guilt away. It was a fun night and a fun story to tell."
English (US) 