1 week ago
26
When I think about courtship, I often think about male birds dancing to impress their mates. And after reading through stories about bizarre things that men have done to impress women, it’s become clear to me that male birds and human men really aren’t all that different.
1. “This was in university. A bloke found out I'd grown up fairly posh, and to impress me, he bought a fake Rolex. He very obviously waved his arm in my face until I asked him why he was wearing a watch that said ‘Bolex.’ We did not go out together.”
2. “He actually ate a Tide Pod. I have a video. He did not get any that night.”
3. “One guy I knew literally flexed every time someone touched him. If you hugged him, he'd puff up his chest. If you tapped him on the arm, he’d flex his biceps. It always just came off as awkward.”
4. “A guy named Jon took me out for a night on the town. He was driving his Mazda RX-8 sports car pretty fast through a 35 mph zone. It seemed unnecessary, and I thought to myself, ‘Why is he speeding? He lives around here and should know cops are posted nearby.' Cue the red and blue flashing lights behind us. Jon pulled over, and the cop asked him why he was driving so fast. Jon replied, ‘Well, officer, I was just trying to impress this cute girl here.’ The officer wasn’t expecting his honest response, and he intended to let us go with a warning. The cop came back to the car after writing up the warning. He informed my date that he needed to take him into custody because there was a warrant out for his arrest. Jon had unpaid fines from a previous DUI. He handcuffed my date, and I was left standing there at 11 p.m. in the rain, mouth agape.”
5. “One of my friends once tried to backflip off a fallen tree to impress a girl. Spoiler alert: It probably would have been a good idea to try practicing a backflip before pulling that one out. It turns out, there's really no such thing as an ‘okay’ backflip. Concussions aren't cool either.”
6. “One time, a guy stood right behind me and started talking into his phone about all the autographs he had to sign that weekend and how he’d rather be on his yacht. I didn’t know if his comments were directed at me specifically or at all the women in the room, but I didn’t take the bait and turn around.”
7. “This guy bragged about how many women he'd slept with...that month. Dude, really? We were on our first date. I didn't even make it to the end of the date.”
8. “My dad used to make his own speakers and hook them up to his Toyota truck. He once pulled up at a light where a group of women was passing by on foot. He cranked the speakers in hopes they would glance at him and his ‘cool truck.’ It worked, but then the speaker wires caught fire or something overheated and smoke started coming out from the interior. He had to pull over and find where it was coming from.”
9. “My boyfriend has a very big Funko Pop collection he showed me when we first started going out. Truth be told, I was impressed.”
10. “Once, a date of mine took me supplement shopping for a mineral that allegedly cured depression. Then, he tried to impress me by downing the entire bottle without water. I still remember the way his cheeks puffed up and got all red, and how he ran into a bar to motion for water.”
11. “He bragged about how many drugs he’d done. What a head scratcher.”
12. “My ex was the king of this. When we first met, he would try to be nice by playing pranks on me. He bought me a box of chocolates and threw them at me, thinking I would know to catch them. Once, he pulled my chair out just to let me fall on the floor.”
13. “My ex told me on our first date that he had $12,000 in savings. I quickly learned this was BS.”
14. “My friend dated this guy who was all about the Army. He was sort of scrawny with a bad knee. His military career was basically over, but he was still in love with it. His whole group of friends was similarly into it, and some of them were even in training. My friend hosted a small party with his friends and me, along with a few others. Her boyfriend went in on this new recruit kid and made him do push-ups in the kitchen. He was bossing this kid around and laughing at what a great ‘motivator’ he was. He thought he was hot shit for being the boss of this 19-year-old dude, but the joke was on him. Six months later, my friend started dating that 19-year-old who could crank out a load of push-ups at a moment's notice instead of that 25-year-old who was obsessed with reliving his ‘glory days’ in the Army.”
16. “My older brother wore his Movado watch to a beach date. We all had a good chuckle over that.”
17. “He was short, and he wore these boots with massive chunky heels on them. I thought it was funny. I honestly don't care about height amongst the men that I date.”
18. “One time, we were all lying around on beanbag chairs, drinking and hanging out. Well, all of us except for this one guy in the corner who was pacing for several minutes. Out of nowhere, he took a running leap into the beanbag chair next to the girl he had a crush on…and he missed.”
19. “A guy tried to peel out of the parking lot after we rejected his advances, and his bumper fell off.”
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20. “I was at a party with a bunch of coworkers, and one of them was a bit of a brogrammer. He was hitting on this girl with the line, ‘How much do you weigh? I could bench you. Let me try to bench you.’ She was not impressed."
21. “In high school, this one guy did a few things. At the time, I LOVED Ovaltine. One day, he unbuttoned his shirt to reveal a Nesquik undershirt. He said, ‘I heard you liked Ovaltine, so I wore this for you. It’s the closest thing I have.’ I had a good laugh and swooned a little.”
22. “I had an ex bring a flask of whiskey to our meet-up years after our breakup. He clearly wanted me to think he’d become edgy. It just came off as pathetic.”
23. “I once had a guy show me his online checking and savings account so he could display his financial security.”
24. “This conversation happened after a first date: Him: ‘That’s my car.’ Me (confused glance): ‘Okay.’ Him (furrows brow): ‘Most women are more impressed.’ Me: ‘Oh...should I be?’ It was such an awkward exchange.”
25. “When I was still single, guys usually stuck their chests out when talking to me. When surrounded by a pack of guys, they always try to be louder than the others in the group to get my attention.”
What’s the strangest thing a man’s ever done to impress you? I’m dying to know! Tell me about it in the comments or fill out the anonymous Google form below.
Note: Responses have been edited for length/clarity.
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